Stop Glorifying Busyness

How many times have you answered “busy” when someone asks you how you are doing?

For me, it’s a regular occurrence. Sometimes it feels like we wear our busyness as a badge of honor: look how much I’m tackling, look how involved I am, etc. In reality, we’re using busyness as an excuse for not getting things done. Usually, we’re not “too busy” to do something (hello, how much time do we spend just scrolling through our phone each day??) we really mean we didn’t make that thing a priority.

Or maybe you really are too busy. If that’s the case, don’t celebrate it. Change it. It might be time to consider stepping back from some commitments so you can fully dedicate yourself to the things that matter most.

About a year into my most recent job, I was working 50-60 hours a week and completely miserable. I was taking on too much and giving myself unnecessarily tight deadlines, which led to canceling plans with friends, skipping my workouts, and a few nights in the fetal position on my couch.

What I learned from this experience was that self-inflicted busyness wasn’t serving anyone in my life and it was on me to make a change.

Here’s what I did to take myself out of that exhausting cycle:

1. Take a moment to slow down and reflect.

When was the last time you thought not about what you are “doing” but what you’ve actually accomplished? How many goals have you set but not achieved because you were stretched too thin by your overcommitment?

Turn off your phone off your phone and go for a walk. Sit down and mediate. Whatever you have to do to give yourself space to decompress so you can think clearly.

Then sit down and outline where you have achieved and what things remain undone. Make a list of each and look for patterns.

2. Assess your commitments and challenges.

Ask yourself: What’s causing me to feel too busy? Is it a certain commitment you can’t get to? A lack of balance between work and your personal life? Maybe it’s just a matter of not managing your time effectively. Looking at the lists of what you’ve accomplished and left undone may give you hints as to where the trouble areas are. For example, when I was nearing burn out at work my achieve column was all work tasks and my undone column was almost completely personal tasks and goals.

You have to get to the root of the problem before you can fix it. For me, I knew pretty quickly that I needed to stop canceling plans, ignoring my personal priorities, and overworking myself.

3. Make a plan to address the main contributors to your stress.

Ask yourself how you can realistically address the issues identified in step 2. I say realistically because you can’t always control that work is taking up a lot of our time. Maybe this is a season where work is going to pull more of your attention and you need to cut back on personal commitments (I maintain a regular rule of reserving at least one weeknight per week where I don’t make plans).

In my example, the imbalance with work was partially on me so I established more boundaries and started setting more realistic expectations for myself and my team members. I had to show myself that I could move a deadline and the world wouldn’t end.

Work related or not, make a plan and stick to it. Write it down. Put it on a post it on your desk.

4. Tell someone your plan.

Hold yourself accountable by telling people involved what you plan to do. If it’s a volunteer commitment you need to step back from, tell them you’ll attend monthly meetings and promote the event with your it contacts but that you can’t commit to any canvassing activities or proactive outreach.

When I was drowning at work and nervous I was nearing burn out, I told my bosses that I was going to set some clear boundaries for myself so I wouldn’t overdue it. I started setting more realistic deadlines and they worked with me to keep a better balance. Having that direct conversation with them didn’t just keep me accountable (they made a point to regularly check in with me about it), it also gave me the permission I needed to take a break.

Don’t allow “busy” to define who and how you are. Take the necessary steps to determine what you need to adjust or remove from your commitments in order to respond to “How are you?” with: “fulfilled,” “challenged,” “accomplished,” “rested,” or simply “happy”.